


What am I Supposed to Do?

by Qais



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: #TeamKinkade, Hurt/Comfort, Jude is hurt, Lionel is an actual mom, M/M, Zero is emotionally expressive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 11:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8622781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qais/pseuds/Qais
Summary: "Let me photograph you in this lightIn case it is the last time"
Or: Jude is overworked, Zero cries, Lionel is the best mom-not-mom.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Summary quote is from Adele's "When We Were Young."

Jude is ready to snap. 

 

His head has been pounding for the last 3 hours and he hasn’t eaten in way too long to be healthy. The last time he had a drink of water had been when Zero had left. 

 

Zero had been gone for 4 days already. 

 

But there was so much to do, so many papers to sign, so many decisions to make. He felt a little betrayed if he was being honest. EVP was a lot more headaches than he’d really been prepared for, but Lionel had gone out of her way to give him the position and he’d die before he screwed her and himself over by shirking his responsibilities.

 

So. It’s pushing midnight, it’s been 4 days since he had a sip of water, probably 3 days since he ate anything, and he hasn’t slept more than 5 hours total since Zero left. Things are going great, really.

 

Except, Jude thinks as his head spins violently, not really. His phone is ringing, and it’s not his office phone, it’s his cellphone and Jude knows it must be Zero so he gets up and reaches for it and somehow that’s all it takes. His knees fold, he knocks into the corner of the desk, and he’s on the ground with vision so blurry he couldn’t tell you where the damn light was on the ceiling. 

 

The last thought Jude has before he passes out is ‘well, at least I get to sleep.’

 

***

 

Lionel has been calling Jude’s office twice every half hour for the past 3 hours when she huffs in frustration and moves her ass. Sure her secretary could go fetch the kid but where’s the fun in not getting to yell at him in his office and then again in her own. 

 

She’s marching towards the elevator when she see Zero staring at her cellphone with an annoyed look on his face.

 

“If you frown so much your face will get stuck like that,” she says lightly, trying not to laugh at the little pout he gives her when he looks up. He goes straight back to his phone and Lionel now sees that he’s been trying to call Jude. “He’s not picking up?” Zero shakes his head, biting his lip and not noticing the worry in Lionel’s voice. And she is, that is, she’s worried now. She could see Jude not taking her calls to his office but him not taking Zero’s calls to his cell? That was odd and concerning.

 

She walks almost imperceptibly faster and then waits tensely for the elevator to come down.

 

“Is he in a meeting?” Zero finally asks, looking up at her. Only then does he seem to notice the frown on her face and the tension in her crossed arms. “Lionel,” and now Zero is tense and they’re both livewires of tension and she is going to beat Jude’s ass if it turns out he was just ignoring them both. “Lionel, is Jude ok?” he asks as they both step into the elevator, which is blessedly empty for the breakdown Zero is oddly close to having.

 

“He’s probably fine, relax,” she’s being dry in an effort to convince herself the kid is fine. She’s not sure it works. “He wasn’t picking up his phone when I called his office so I’m just going up to give him a piece of my mind.” At this point Lionel isn’t even trying to act flippant, and she has to clench her fists to control her childhood habit of biting her nails.

 

Both her and Zero rush to get out of the elevator when it opens onto the floor with Jude’s office. Lionel is stalking, somehow managing to look nonchalant and rushed simultaneously but Zero isn’t even trying to maintain pretense (and that’s really them theme of the relationship between those two isn’t it?), almost running to Jude’s door. 

 

The door is unlocked and the secretary is nowhere in sight as they push the door open. Lionel is remembering something about the secretary being on vacation when she sees Jude in a heap behind his desk. Her steps stutter and she freezes before she can get any closer. Zero is in a similar state, but only for a moment, before he rushes to Jude’s side.

 

“Jude, Jude, hey,” his voice is frantic and shaking as he turns him over onto his back and Lionel can’t contain her gasp. 

 

Her ex-stepsons face (and really, one day she’s going to just start thinking of him as her son even if they’re closer in age than her and her brother are) is pale and clammy and he looks like he’s well on the way to some form of malnutrition or dehydration. Zero is loosening his tie and taking it off, opening Jude’s shirt and ridding him of his suit jacket and Lionel is still trying to get her fucking feet to move. 

 

In the next instant there’s a phone flying at her and Zero is looking at her with tears in his eyes. “Call an ambulance, he’s barely-” and he chokes on the end of his sentence before continuing, “he’s barely breathing Lionel, please call an ambulance-” and then he turns back to Jude, dabbing at his forehead with the tie that he’d removed from Jude’s neck. 

 

Lionel takes a deep breath before typing 911 in and telling the operator what’s going on. It feels like a few years have passed and at this point Zero has physical tears streaming down his cheeks and Jude is still pale and unresponsive when the EMT’s finally rush in. Zero and Lionel rush to the ambulance with them and as Jude is loaded into the back of the van Lionel catches a glimpse of a few devil girls looking towards them with concern and more than a couple players staring wide-eyed at Zero’s state. 

 

“You go with him,” she says to Zero as he lifts himself into the back of the van. He opens his mouth to ask a question or protests or something but Lionel cuts him off. “I’m useless with Jude, I’ll just freeze up again when I look at his face. I can help more by doing damage control here,” even as she says it it’s a bitter pill to swallow. What kind of friend is she that the best she can do is diffuse the situation in the public eyes. “He needs you more than he needs me.” This pill is less bitter because she knows Jude, and she even, to a certain extent, knows Zero.

 

They need each other far more than they need anyone or anything else. Zero nods at her and then the doors are shutting in her face and the wind is blowing through her hair and as it sticks to her face she realizes that maybe Zero wasn’t the only one crying.

 

She sucks in a deep breath and steels herself before turning and walking back into the building. She’s surrounded by curious and worried faces immediately and she sighs almost in relief. This? She can handle this. This isn’t a pale and clammy face, or the tears on a lovers face. She knows how to deal with this.

 

***

 

Zero is crying. He knows it, the EMT’s in the van know it, hell, even the girl driving knows it. He can’t be bothered to give a shit. His heart is still threatening to beat out of his chest and has been in that state since he saw Jude face down on the plush carpet. They’ve hooked him up to a few things and Zero is holding Jude’s hand so tightly that his fingers are white. He can’t lose this. He can’t lose him.

 

Before all this, before him, Zero had lived for basketball. It’d been the start and end of his ambition and sure, he got lonely (which was why he fucked his way through life as much as he played ball through it) but he’d only ever though of basketball when he thought of the future.

 

Sitting here now with Jude’s hand clasped tightly in his Zero can’t fathom ever putting anything before the man in front of him. He still wanted to be a champion but if ever had to choose he’d choose Jude. In every circumstance, in every moment, he’d choose Jude.

 

He just hoped that Jude would still be a choice.

 

***

 

Jude cracks his eyes open slowly and winces at the bright fluorescent lighting. He comes back to himself slowly and realizes a few thing all at once. 1, he’s parched beyond belief. 2, his stomach feels like it’s caving in on itself. 3, his hand is being held by someone. 4, that someone is Zero. 5, Lionel is asleep in the chair next to Zero. And 6, Jude really fucking needs to use the washroom. 

 

He extricates himself slowly and limps to the washroom, his legs feeling like jelly. Jude grimaces at his reflection in the washroom, only now realizing what a sorry state he was in. When he returns after doing his business it’s to a wide awake Lionel and a livid Zero.

“What the hell!” The words are almost ripped from Zeros throat, his voice hoarse and angry beyond belief. 

 

Jude, despite himself, stutters. “I- I just needed to use the washroom?” It comes out as a question and Jude winces at himself. 

 

“You collapsed!” And now Zero is pacing around the room, whipping his head back to look at Jude at random. Lionel, for her part, is just leaning back in her chair and watching the spectacle in front of her. But Jude sees the beginning of grease in her hair and the fading of makeup underneath her eyes. He’s hit with guilt in that moment, and then gratitude. At having people who give enough of a shit about him that they’d lose sleep over it. “Jude!” Zero’s voice brings Jude back to the conversation at hand and he sighs, stepping past the two of them to sit on the edge of the bed.

 

“I didn’t realize ok? There was just so much to do.” Even as he says it Jude knows it’s not a good excuse and all it does is fan the flames.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Zero is still angry but now he’s just standing and staring down at Jude, which is not a position they’re put in very often. “What am I supposed to do when I find your ass collapsed behind an office desk huh? Oh what ‘Zero doesn’t have feelings so he’ll be fine’? Is that what you think?” Jude opens his mouth to object wholeheartedly but is cut off by Zero’s continued rant. “What am I supposed to do if something happens to you?” At this point Jude can see and hear the tears that are threatening to crawl up Zero’s throat and his heart hurts seeing the blonde so pained. 

 

“Zero-” Jude stops and sighs, brushing his fingers through his hair, trying to figure out how to articulate himself. “I can’t sleep okay?” And it comes out just like that, without context, without anything to follow up to it and Jude barely refrains from slapping himself in the face.

 

“What?” The tears seem to have receded and now Zero just looks confused. Lionel has a glint in her eyes (but when doesn’t she) and Jude guesses she already know what kind of sap is about to spew from his mouth.

 

“I can’t sleep without you, and I forget to eat when you don’t call me for lunch and I don’t pass by the fountain because I don’t come down to see you when you’re not there.” It’s a quiet confession and a hush settles over the room, Zero taking a step back, shocked by it.

 

“Jude,” it’s a whisper, a harsh contrast to the previously raised voice and Jude squeezes his eyes shut. He knew it was too much. He’s clingy and too much and he knows it but he can’t find it in him to be anything but honest. “Jude look at me.”

Jude turns his face up to look into Zero’s eyes and makes an aborted motion to wipe the tears on his cheeks. As it is, Zero leans down to kiss him before he can, cupping his face and wiping the tears Jude hadn’t realized he’d been crying. 

 

It’s not perfect, and Jude knows that this kind of dependency isn’t good for them whether they last for a few months or a few decades. But in this instant, with chapped lips on his and wet cheeks sliding against each other and the knowledge that Zero is here and Lionel has their backs, in this instant, it’s okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys everything I write is hurt/comfort but I die for this trope I'm sorry (but not really). And LOL 3 fics for the fandom in the past week? Who do I think I am? (Answer: Zude trash).
> 
> Other songs I listened to while writing this, whose quotes I couldn't really fit into the piece:  
> Greg Holden's "The Lost Boy"  
> Audra Mae's "Forever Young"
> 
> (no I do not watch Sons of Anarchy LOL)
> 
> As always, this in un-betaed so please let me know if you catch any mistakes!


End file.
